First of all, I can’t even go to the bathroom in the middle of the night now without waking my wife up. No, not because I’m a particularly hefty lump getting in and out of bed, nor because of any toilet-related sounds!
But because the baby monitor is so sensitive (in the other room!) that should I so much as step on the carpet, it awakes and buzzes in her ear. Some people might consider the steady hum of the baby monitor to be soothing but as soon as it kicks in we’re expecting the amplified noise of Sophie crying to pierce through our bedroom.
Any solutions? One idea I had was setting up a zip wire to transport me from bed to bathroom. That way I wouldn’t touch the floor and could move stealthily from A to B. One small problem though, how would I get back?
Another thought was to simply turn the baby monitor off. This would stop it from kicking into gear and would guarantee a good night’s sleep regardless of needing to use the facilities. Any disadvantages? Ah, couldn’t guarantee Sophie’s safety overnight.
Maybe we’ll just have to put up with it.
A second change and this one is far more positive…my left arm has buffed up à la Rafael Nadal.*
You can see a bicep there and everything. Not because I’ve been escaping the daily routine of nappies, feed and sleep to pump iron at the gym though. Nor because I’ve taken on extra part-time work as a manual labourer, shifting things to help people out in the community.
It’s because ten times a day I’m holding a distressed child over my left shoulder praying she’ll calm down. While she’s wriggling, head-butting and screaming, in the words of Ron Burgundy, “my guns are being sculpted.”
Well, one of them is. I’ve tried her on my right side but she becomes even more unsettled. There’s no hope for that arm.
I don’t mind being lopsided. If it’s good enough for Rafa, it’s good enough for me!
So yes, some things have changed, but I wouldn’t change back for the world!
*NB: There are many other things that have changed in my life since Sophie was born… sense of responsibility, overwhelming feeling of guilt, dwindling bank balance, joy and anxiety in equal measure… but they’re far less important!