Since I became a father six months ago, my vocabulary has been transformed.
Unbeknown to me, there was a whole world of language out there which I had never even been interested in and now I use all the time.
Sure, I’d heard of some of them, but my vague, ethereal understanding of their meaning has been cast into history. While not yet at teacher standard, I reckon I could make a decent fist of translating.
So here goes.
Previous understanding: Sounds slightly similar to the historical art of using a loom to make cloth. Or, the “we” in this word could refer to potty-training a small child.
New understanding: Teaching a small child to throw food all over the kitchen, squish bananas, mangoes (and avocados?!) up in their hands and occasionally squeeze a small amount of solid food into their mouth.
Previous understanding: In my defence, I’d never really looked at the spelling! I’d always associated it with so-called “terrible twos” and made it the reason for toddlers being so darn angry. I’d never been so sensible as to actually connect it with “teeth”!
Current understanding: Where tiny, piercingly-sharp gnashers, previously seen as cute, come through and make putting a child anywhere near your skin a hideously dangerous pasttime. Sophie is teething at the moment and her mood constantly fluctuates between raging angry and dozily happy. I thought that happened to ladies when they were a bit older…?
Previous understanding: Like a birthday suit, only you were under the covers?
Current understanding: It’s what babies wear…all the time. And if you’re a really grown-up adult you can get one of your own, but call it a onesie!
NB: Don’t worry – no photos of birthday suits!
“A Tommee Tippee”
Previous understanding: Name of a random company.
Current understanding: An all-consuming company whose products have invaded every single cupboard and drawer in our kitchen. We cannot move for Tommee Tippee weaning gadgets. Whoever Tommee is, he’s making a fortune from us!
I love language so will keep on the lookout for more baby-themed vocabulary!