Tag: Comedy

Imaginary friends

I think most children go through it – that time where your best friend exists in your head but you’re pretty sure they’re actually real.

I remember having one who was not very good at stopping my shots when we played football together – surprisingly – but any other details have long since faded.

As parents it’s important to go along with the pretence, encouraging your child’s social development and including the imaginary friend in everyday life until they get bored with them.

Which may have to be soon for us as with Sophie’s army of pretend pals we’re going to need to do some dramatic upsizing!

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Diddy Dance – Sophie’s latest sporting exploits

This blog has charted accounts of swimming, gymnastics and football. Such is the varied life of a toddler these days.

However, a New Year brings new beginnings and after my wife successfully secured (captured? grabbed? ensnared?!) Sophie’s attention with Strictly Come Dancing, last week saw myself and my little girl foxtrotting down to a toddler dance session at a local high school.

Great.

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DIY House Nightmares part 2

Having survived the electrical work, we turned our attention to the prevailing concern of our house…the roof.

Now, our road is full of 1930s houses. The roofs are all exactly the same and have been for the past 80 years. Pretty darn good workmanship if you ask me (and my wife’s Grandad – an ex-roofer himself –  would agree.)

However, when damp is creeping into your loftspace and there’s some sneaky drips on the wall, it’s certainly advisable to get it sorted out – and sharpish.

So, on the first day of the holidays, we watched as the outside of our house turned into a building site. At least this time the work was all external and you were a bit freer inside but it was still remarkably intrusive.

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My wife and I were up ladders inside  painting so at least we felt part of the DIY action.

20160802_155448Meanwhile thick-booted roofers tramped around the top of our house, clambering over tiles and chucking down the old broken and unusable original roof.

It looked like a great sport – aim for the skip, ten points if you hit the giant tiger which someone dumped in there – but actually it was much to the dismay of our next door neighbour who quite rightly took umbrage at the shards of tile which sprayed over our wall onto his pristine front garden and drive. Oops.

The guys we got in to do the roof were highly efficient. They arrived at ours before nine, taking down one roof and replacing it with another all in the space of six days. Very impressive. Personally, I loved impressing Sophie by climbing up the ladder and shinning up the roof to the ridge tiles at the summit. Never touched the top of a chimney before! (Wouldn’t dare do it now as I’d hate to damage what has been put on!).

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I have learned lots about flashings and clay tiles. I know how valuable lead covering is around chimney breasts in order to keep out the rain. I’ve even tried flogging some old tiles to a local building site but sadly they were having none of it. Eighty years old and nobody wants them. Shame.

I did feel a bit sorry for the guys when the North Western skies opened and the rains began to pour down. Still, I guess that’s very much par for the course when you’re a roofer in this part of the world. A bit like the silly behaviour of children in a classroom after lunchtime I guess!

All done though very quickly and without needing the help of the boss who simply came in at the end to settle up and sweep away all the mess.

Sounds great and for the most part it has been. The roof looks terrific and no doubt they’re hoping the rest of our road will be thinking of tapping up their services. After all, ours can’t have been the only roof on this street having issues with age.

And we thought that it was all sorted, until damp spots started appearing in Sophie’s bedroom again after some particularly heavy showers. A roof over our heads? Yes, but not quite in perfect condition just yet…

DIY House Nightmares

To say it’s been busy at our house since we moved in back in March is a bit of an understatement.

Aware of the looming deadline of baby’s arrival (seven weeks to go!) and the careful advice from our ultra-thorough surveyor Mr Jon B, it has been important for us to get as many jobs done and out of the way as soon as possible.

Easier said than done when things keep going wrong!

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Sophie the Olympian

While Team GB are scurrying around Rio de Janeiro defeating the rest of the world and covering their necks with gold medals, the next generation are getting stuck into sport and training for future Olympics.

None more so than two and a half year old Sophie, whose commitment to her fitness regime has been stretched recently and she has come out stronger than ever.

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Settling in

Yesterday I had a warm shower…in my own home…for the first time in two weeks.

(Don’t worry – I’d showered elsewhere in the meantime!)

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But it does indicate something of the carnage our house has been in since we started living here six weeks ago.

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Memories of a former home part 2

So, my previous blog touched on some of our best memories of our previous house, which we left behind on Thursday.

In Part 2, I look at how we spent our time in the great outdoors of our house!

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Cafe North

“I know a place…”

Four very simple words which have gone down in YouTube legend as words which revolutionised music videos.

Uttered five years ago by Simon H, the end result was something so mind blowing that it’s full scale and impact has yet to be realised.

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The fellowship is complete…

And so it begins.

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Top 10 Tim Vine jokes

This post comes with a health warning: Don’t read on if wordplay and general silliness is not your thing. 

Fortunately, it’s a bit of a trait in my family so this is perfect for me.

Last night, we went to watch the Punmeister General himself Tim Vine and here are my favourite jokes.

10. Chimney jokes – I’ve got a stack of them and the first ones on the house

9. I’m a green belt at karate, which means I’m not very good at fighting but you can’t build on me

8. I’ve got a friend who always denies everything and I believe they’re reading this blog post right now – it’s you, isn’t it?

7. Isn’t it ironic that Carry On films have stopped?

6. I’ve got a chicken-proof lawn. It’s impeccable

5. Let me tell you about my neighbours- ones a straight talking business man and the other is an entertainer on a cruise liner doing owl impressions…one shoots from the hip and the other hoots from the ship

4. Hands up if you don’t know how to point to the ceiling

3. Where I’m from there’s not enough crime so they’re trying to bump up the figures. Guess who’s been asked to randomly attack strangers? Muggins

2. I once went out with a girl called Simile. I don’t know what I met-her-for

1. Then I saw Arnie eating a chocolate egg. I said to him, “I bet I know what your favourite Christian festival is…” He said; “You have-to-love-Easter, baby”

I apologise for any groaning or sickness this has caused!

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