This post comes with a health warning: Don’t read on if wordplay and general silliness is not your thing.
Fortunately, it’s a bit of a trait in my family so this is perfect for me.
Last night, we went to watch the Punmeister General himself Tim Vine and here are my favourite jokes.
10. Chimney jokes – I’ve got a stack of them and the first ones on the house
9. I’m a green belt at karate, which means I’m not very good at fighting but you can’t build on me
8. I’ve got a friend who always denies everything and I believe they’re reading this blog post right now – it’s you, isn’t it?
7. Isn’t it ironic that Carry On films have stopped?
6. I’ve got a chicken-proof lawn. It’s impeccable
5. Let me tell you about my neighbours- ones a straight talking business man and the other is an entertainer on a cruise liner doing owl impressions…one shoots from the hip and the other hoots from the ship
4. Hands up if you don’t know how to point to the ceiling
3. Where I’m from there’s not enough crime so they’re trying to bump up the figures. Guess who’s been asked to randomly attack strangers? Muggins
2. I once went out with a girl called Simile. I don’t know what I met-her-for
1. Then I saw Arnie eating a chocolate egg. I said to him, “I bet I know what your favourite Christian festival is…” He said; “You have-to-love-Easter, baby”
I apologise for any groaning or sickness this has caused!